The God of creation, put within the psyche of every woman, the desire to be a mother; and that desire to be a mother surpasses any passion a woman will ever experience. Even amid the pain of child's birth, something that the toughest man cannot withstand, a woman once experienced such, knowing the consequence of pregnancy and carrying a pregnancy full term, fearless go in pursuit of motherhood, confronts and look forward to, child's birth and the agony that goes along with it.
However, it is not only those who have experienced, the agony of child birth are mothers. Child's birth; is just one aspect of motherhood. The true work and role of a mother begins; only when; they began to love, care and nurture, the child or children; which facilitates that child's social, emotional, physical and cognitive development.
There are mothers who have never borne the agony of child's birth but they are wonderful mothers anyway. I called to mind my dear sister Clare. Since Clare was a teenager, she decided she did not want to have anything to do with the agony of child bearing, and she chose not to make children of her own.
However, when my mother Verina Palmer died, leaving her three youngest children at age 7 years 11, and 14 years old, and our cousin Merle, who was always a part of our family and was only a teenager, without being asked; Clare, in her early twenties, stepped up and she filled the void, Mother's death left; and she took up the mantle of motherhood and she did a fine job at it.
Four years later when my oldest sister, decided to migrate to the United States of America, to make a better living for herself and her family, leaving her four-year-old son behind. Without being asked or without a request from our sister, Clear saw the need and became his mother. Then a few years later, when a close friend of our family died in child's birth, and the decease woman's siblings thought, it was too great a responsibility to take care of: the only child of their dearly departed sister, opting to leave that child in the hospital; to become a ward of the state instead.
Against the counsel of all of her siblings, Clear decided she was not going to let that child sleep one more night, by herself in the hospital, being looked after by total strangers. Clare brought that child home and looked after that little girl; as if she was her own child. Clare ensured all of us, she took care of, obtained a secondary education. The required standard for employment of the day.
Also came to mind is another stalwart of our community; a woman by the name of Louise Millington, she was also popularly known as Tany Louise especially by the children of the community. Tanty Louise was a Maid at the Kingstown General Hospital, and she had many children. Many of those children lived with her; well beyond adulthood. I was shocked when I found out, Tanty Louise was not the birth or bioligical mother of any of her children.
All of Tany's Louise's children, were either children, who were abandoned at the Hospital, by their birth parents or children who need a mother’s love. Tanty Louise who never bore a child of her own, took those children; she gave them a good, a safe and a loving home.
There was a story; of a young mother, who abandoned her child at the Hospital, and later changed her mind about her desire to be a mother. When she returned to the hospital for her child, The child was already, a new addition to the Militon's family.
The birth mother had to go to Tanty Louise's home and beg her, please, for her child. That was not the only thing; the lady, had to prove to Tanty Louise, she was capable of being a good mother and will not abandon that child when it is convenient to her to do so.
At this stage of St. Vincent and the Grenadines History; it was not about adoption, it was about, a responsible individual, making arrangements to take and care for a child in need. Once you took that child, that child was your responsibility forever. You are stuck with all of the expenses of caring for and rearing the child or the children.
Tanty Louise, subsidized her a small government salary by making frudge, sugar-cakes and other goodies in the morning before she went to work and after a hard day at work; she came home, prepare a batch of homemade ice cream: using the manual ice-cream maker (the Ice-cream mill); then she sat at the corner of Queen Street and Road too Cemetery; all afternoon offering her goodies for sale. Goodies which the neighborhood residents especially the children purchase from her.
The next day she did it all again. Tanty Louise did this from since she was a young lady, to the time that old-age limited her ability to take care of herself. With a lot of hard work, Tanty Louise were able to support her large family, with absolutely no help from the Government.
I must mention: Rohdah, one of the young ladies Tanty Louise took care of. Rondah, never left Tanty Louise's home, even when she was grown and had children of her own. Rhondah was able to returned the favor, to the woman who took care of her, as a child. When Tanty Louise got old; and could not take care of herself; it was Rondah who took care of her.
Ms. Harry was a beautiful, young woman in her mid-thirties or there about. She had seven children. Her oldest child was Marcia who was about fifteen years old or there about, there was Cleara, who was about 11 years old, there was Blue, Pojoe, a pretty little girl named: Trudy. There was also little Joseph who was about 3 years old and little Christopher who was about 2 years old or there about.
Most people will be familiar with Christopher Harry, who rose to become a preeminent footballer (Soccer player) and was popularly called Christopher "Brazilian" Harry. Many people flock to Victory Park to watch this young man play the game of Soccer, and after his match, the football pundits, sat on the bridge like they did for years and spoke of his Soccer brilliance and skills.
Many youths wanted to be like Christ and when he left our shores to represent our beautiful nation: St. Vincent and the Grenadines; as a national football player. We all cheered each time he performed some terrific feat on the field of play or scored a goal.
Ms. Harry had seven natural births, with no complication. In the olden days it was normal for a woman to have eight or ten children. My Grandmother Courtney Jack had fourteen children; which included three sets of twins.
It was in the early nineteen seventies (1970 s). I was seven years old, and my mother had just passed; while Ms Harry was pregnant with her eighth child. There were some pre-delivery problems, nothing that adequate rest and a good diet could not deal with. It was expected to be just another normal delivery; as she had done seven times before. There were some little complications but nothing that should affect her ability to have a normal delivery.
The time came when Ms. Harry's pregnancy was at its full term, now it was time to do something she would have done several times. Give birth; but this time to her eighth child. The Midwife who was responsible for delivering Ms. Harry, baby, recognized some signs that alerted her of some complications in what should have been another normal delivery.
Ms. Harry's problems were outside the scope of training and ability of the Midwife to handle. The Midwife exercised due diligence, and summoned the doctor; whose training made him more equipped to deal with any such problems.
Upon arrival the doctor examined Ms. Harry, he reviewed her vital signs, and he became quite concerned. The problem was critical, Ms. Harry's pre-delivery problems, have grown extremely worst. All through her pregnancy, her body was able to sustain two lives, Ms. Harry's life and the life of her unborn baby. But now Ms. Harry's body will not be able to deal, with the stresses of child’s birth.
The doctor knew, only one person will leave the Maternity ward alive. It was either the mother or the baby. How does he break this terrible news to an expectant mother? That she may be required, to instruct the doctor to kill the baby she borne and carried for nine months. A baby, she never knew but felt kicking and moving around in her womb.
There was only one way to do this and that was to be honest and frank, provide the expectant mother, with all the information you could and give her the ability to make an informed decision. In the doctor's mind, it was a foregone conclusion; a decision any normal thinking parents would make without any problem.
The doctor accompanied by the Midwife went to Ms. Harry's bedside; then he explained to Ms. Harry, the seriousness of her condition. He informed the anxious mother; her body will not be able to make it through; the stress of child’s-birth; The baby has to die so she can live.
When Ms. Harry heard the awful news; her heart sank, sorrow replaced the expectation of new life that filled her eyes. Then a solitary tear slowly rolled from her eye, down upon her cheek. The mother of seven looked up at the doctor with weak eyes, trying extremely hard to fight back the tears, and at the same time battling with the pain in her broken body and her broken heart; a heart broken by the sad news, she just received.
When Ms. Harry received the bad news instantly her mind flashed back to all of her children. She saw the face of her oldest daughter Marcia; she knew Marcia has some challenges, challenges with time, she can help her deal with and overcome. She saw her little daughter Cleara and she knew exactly how to make Cleara laugh, and what was her favorite food.
She saw Blue and she knew she needed to be there to keep all his energy in tack, she knew that Pojoe, was solid, but needed to learn, how to stand up for himself. Ms. Harry saw Trudy’s face and knew that girl has such potential, with a mother's help; there is nothing she could not accomplished.
She saw the face of her son: Joseph; Joe was only three years old; he was always clings to her everywhere she went, Joe needed her the most. Then she saw the vibrance of her youngest son Christopher, he was so young and innocent, how is he going to make it without her. Ms. Harry realized that her children have not yet begun to get to know, who their mother was.
Ms. Harry's mind went back to the birth of her first daughter Marcia. She was just a young insecure little girl; she did not know what to expect and what the future held for her. But the helpless little baby girl brought such life, such love, hope and purpose to her life. With each child she gave birth to, her capacity to give and receive love grew. Each child brought new meaning, new purpose a brand-new reason for living. She loved all of her children; even the baby she has not yet met. Ms. Harry wished for a girl, but now it did not matter.
It did not take long for Ms. Harry to understand the gravity of the situation. She had seven children all of whom needed her, no one knows her children like she did; no one can love her children like she did; and no one will go the extra mile, to ensure their success like she will.
Ms. Harry was asked to carry the heaviest burden, no one should ever be expected to carry. To make a choice no mother should ever be asked to make. However, this was her reality, a reality she must face. In Ms. Harry’s mind there was only one decision she could make under such circumstances.
Ms. Harry, still a young woman; with many years of living ahead of her, she did not want to die, she was not ready to die and she was not prepared to die. What was she to do?
Ms. Harry looked up at the doctor with eyes weakened by sorrow and a heart heavy with agony, as she spoke slowly and clearly so there will be no misunderstanding, her simple request. Ms. Harry spoke, with a mournful cadence that reflected, the burden she bore. She said to the doctor: "Doctor, whatever you do, I beg you, please; don't let my baby die, don't let my baby die."
The doctor was shocked; at the reply that came from the delirious mother, maybe she did not understand the gravity of the situation.
Doc. "Ms. Harry, you will be able to have more children in the future, but not this one.
Ms. Harry searching for words, to communicate the intent of her heart, she wanted her message to be as clearly as she possible could. She looked away from the doctor for a brief moment; she thought for a little while; then reestablished eye contact with the doctor, now with a voice broken by anguish and a heart burdened with grief, the stresses of her mind weaken her body and made speaking difficult.
Ms. Harry spoke with deliberation, she said, "Doctor, whatever you do, I beg you, please; don't let my baby die, don't let my baby die."
Once again, the doctor brought some already considered fact to Ms. Harry's attention, maybe she has not given this situation enough thought. The doctor said Ms. Harry, you have seven young children who need you. Children who need their mother's care, guidance and love. Children who want to have their mother at their weddings, children who want their mother to play with their children.
Ms. Harry once again reiterated her desire to the doctor, she said; in the most polite way a woman in such mental, physical anguish could say it. There was nothing new to her request to the doctor Mr. Harry's request to the doctor was simple, it was clear and it was deliberate. But this time she could not restrain the broken reservoirs, of tears that now flowed freely, discolored her eyes and saturated her cheeks.
Although her tears flowed freely her voice were unbroken. It was important for Ms. Harry’s message to reach the doctor without any confusion or misunderstanding. For the third time she said "Doctor, whatever you do, I beg you, please; don't let my baby die, don't let my baby die."
By this time the doctor knew Ms. Harry had already thought about all of the factors that surrounded her decision and was at peace with her choices. Of all his years of practice he never seen anyone with such courage, one who was totally unprepared to, but was willing to face death so her unborn baby could live.
The doctor and the midwife began to work tirelessly to satisfy Ms. Harry's request. It was difficult for the doctor, who knew what was at stake. Then the silence of the maternity room was broken with a loud scream. A beautiful little baby girl was born. Instinctively, and without thinking; sensing the seriousness of the situation, the doctor immediately, places the crying baby on its mother's breast. This simple but careful act of humanity, caused the baby and its mother to bound even if it was only for a few seconds.
Ms. Harry heard the lively screams of her newborn baby, felt the warmth of her child's skin and the rapid beats of her little girl's heart. in that brief moment of bounding, Ms. Harry said a little prayer; she said "Lord, my only request of you is; you let each of my children know, I love all of them, and I would have given my life for anyone of them, not just only for my little Deedie." Then Ms. Harry took a deep breath, as she breathed in, her cheeks rose and a little smile erupted upon her face; then she closed her eyes and die.
Ms. Harry knew something most of us don't or did not know. it is not a mother's responsibility to destroy life but to ensure that life is preserved at all and or any cost.
If you were placed in Ms. Harry's condition what would you have done?
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